Our Confusion is
Groundless
Shuso Hossen Dharma Talk
by Ven. Chunen Rampal ino (while training as Shuso)
May 24th, 2002
Our confusion in
groundless, our suffering is unnecessary; and all of us, through the
instructions to practice, have a choice to release into the inherent
joyfulness of experiencing. This is my deepest recognition, even if glimpsed
for the briefest of moments.
Now a few years ago, I
never thought I would be able to say this, as I am today, wearing robes,
scheduling my life around endless rounds of zazen, and around meeting the
Teacher.
At that time, I just
wanted to get some sense of what this life is, and to live it in some way
without bothering myself to much. I tried a number of things, reading this
and reading that, surrounding myself with friends and trying to have
relationships. However it was just not working. Somewhere in all this
planning this and then planning that, I felt a certain hollowness.
By chance I came
across the Zen Centre of Ottawa and attended an introductory workshop. The
memory is quite hazy: you know how it is, a monk greets you very simply at
the entrance, kind of shows you how to bob your head up and down, and then
you sit in this room, where another monk starts talking. During workshop
when I was getting quite lost, I found myself listening and following
Jinmyo osho, who said: “But you can hear the sound of the fan”. There was
something very refreshing about that because it pointed to something that
was true about this moment, and about how
that
single moment of noticing completely changed how this
bodymind was.
They were willing to
answer questions. Perhaps I should give them a try I thought.
As it turned out, they
were quite nice but kept asking me about the sitting thing, which made me
very squirmy.
So I regularly went to
Saturday sittings for many months, but never could see what the Roshi was
talking about. I would hear a few sentences here and there, and towards the
end of the sitting I was sure that my ankles and knees were going to
explode. Also, Roshi often finishes Teisho with “Please enjoy yourself”;
This would get me really angry, I would talk back beneath bated breath,
“What? Fun? Me? Don’t you know that I have problems. I have laundry to do, a
paper to write, plus I am trying to get laid, so I do not know how that is
going to work out.”
Who are we? What are
we? How does any of this happen? Somehow, inspite of myself, maybe due to
the dignity and clarity inherent in zazen, the forms and the practice
environment, something moved, something was noticed. For one I was alive.
Around me I could hear sounds, and I could see the wall. And surprisingly
the thoughts did not overwhelm me. They were still there at the end of zazen,
but at that point I knew I had a choice. “Ah, I see,”, as I recalled and
paraphrased something I had heard the Roshi mention “A thought is just one
element of our experience”.
Amazing.
So I paid a little
more attention to what the Roshi said, I would listen to the first few words
or sentences, and very soon after start talking to myself about what the
Roshi had said rather than listening and exploring further. Again, by the
end of a Teisho, everything would be in pain, and I would hear “Please enjoy
yourself” and get upset again. Soon I realized that in order to understand
the “Please enjoy yourself” I would need to listen to the entire Teisho,
understand, remember and then actually practice the instructions.
It took me a few years
to actually be able to listen to a Teisho completely. These teaching that
are made available to us here, are the Teachings of Reality, and show us how
to be intimate with our experiencing. Everything else in the world today
that is based on recoil from reality just doesn’t seem like a good option.
Would you like to take
a look?
Over time, I
recognized that our lives are the continuous rising and falling, moment and
moment; and that I was missing most of this. Ah!, so that is what a
monastery is for. The environment of Dainen-ji of continuous practice allows
us to recognize the release every moment as it arises.
Dogen zenji has said
in Shinjin Gakudo, “The Teachings the collected effort and the energy of
those who study the way” My deepest gratitude to the lineage and to Anzan
roshi for everything that he does for the liberation of all beings. Hundreds
or colors, millions of tastes and smells, oceans of sounds, and
uncountable sensations can be unfolded in each moment of experience. My
gratitude also so Shikai osho and Jinmyo osho who have helped me form the
first step I took here and are a reminder even today.
Our confusion in
groundless, our suffering is unnecessary; and all of us, through the
instructions to practice, have a choice to release into the inherent
joyfulness of experiencing. This is my deepest recognition, even if glimpsed
for the briefest of moments. I vow to practice this by yielding body breath
speech and mind for the liberation of all beings.
 
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1999-2006
White Wind Zen Community. All rights reserved.
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